U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
