Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
