i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I party with great urgency now.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
