You work out of a Hotel?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
