Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
NoShamevember. You game?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
