Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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