i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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