I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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