I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Randomize
