Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
