There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
They took my balls.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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