remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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