she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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