Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
His nipple licking is glorious
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