He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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