Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
