I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
