So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize