I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
The beer is more important than you right now.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
