you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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