You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
