I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
