Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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