Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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