Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
