It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
