the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
