just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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