so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
organizing the empties. That sober.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
