Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
