She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize