Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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