i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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