we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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