Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
