i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
false alarm. still invincible.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
