Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
