Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
