just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
