yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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