fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
