i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
