How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
