Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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