She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
