I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
