I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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