Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
