yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
