i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Who died my cat blue again?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize