he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Randomize
