those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize