turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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