Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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