you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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