I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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