I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
