grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize