you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
