Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
