I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He passed out mid-signature
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
