I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
