Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Enjoy the penises
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
