What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
