Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
