Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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