her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Randomize
