Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize