they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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