come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
