everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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