there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
