if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
