The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
