She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
