So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
