He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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