mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize