once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
