I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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