I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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