glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
