i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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