I wannas sexs uuuuu
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
