if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm jealous of your bromance
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I didn't notice because vodka
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
