if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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