I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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