just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize