oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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