There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
