this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
