we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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