3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
