Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
