I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
