your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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