someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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