Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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