I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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