Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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