The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
zippers are such a cool invention
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
