too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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