i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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