I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
