Already got asked if we're dating
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize