come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
