I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
