so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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