I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
