coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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