is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
