Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
